Every mom has to make choices about how she uses her time. Because I work as a physician part-time, I have to give some of my time to work. So I try to be very intentional about giving my non-work time to my kiddos. I try not to multi-task. That generally works out quite well. But on the day where I only work in the afternoon, it can get a little dicey. The specter of the afternoon's work is always in the background, and while I usually ignore it until it's time to go-be-a-doctor, that can be hard.
I like to keep a handle on my 'tasks' (our version of an inbox...which gets filled with lab results, consult letters, prescription requests and patient messages) because I'm a little OCD that way. So this morning after our breakfast routine was through, while Lil Drummer was down for a nap, and Tiny Dancer was playing downstairs, I surveyed my time. I wanted to play with Tiny for a while, then take her on a 'mommy-daughter' date. Because the babysitter can stay with Lil Drummer while he sleeps, this is great little time for us. I love that as long as a trip to the library or lunch out is tacked on the end, she doesn't mind if our dates include Target, Trader Joe's or other errands. Today I was aiming for Target and TJ's as part of our date.
But then I logged onto the our work system. "Just really quick!" I thought, "I'll complete a few tasks, and then we'll head out." I don't like showing up to work and finding that my cup runneth over with messages.
And what's that law Murphy wrote? Cause there were a lot of tasks to be dealt with. So I did. Time kept ticking away, and E was playing on the floor next to me. 'Just a few more.' Then we were down to enough time for TJ's but no Target. 'Just a few more.' And then it was down to a quick stop at the library. 'Just a few more.' And then it was, 'My tasks are finally done, but I should really leave for work in 25 minutes.' Which doesn't leave room for much of anything at all.
I closed up my computer and she looked up at me. "Are we ready for our mommy-daughter date now?" Oh, the look of anticipation on her face!
In that moment, I made up my mind. "Yes, we're ready. C'mon, let's get in the car!"
"Can we got to the Library, then Target, then Trader Joes?"
"Um, I think we just have time for lunch. Is that okay?"
She smiled. "Yeah, that's okay."
We dashed to a nearby Starbucks where we split a panini and a bagel with cream cheese. She told me about her Primary lessons last Sunday, observed our fellow cafe-goers, and insisted on spreading the cream cheese all by herself.
When my clock read only a minute or two until I had to leave for work, I handed her the last bit of her bagel to carry, and we walked hand in hand back to the car. I dropped her off at home, where she gave me a kiss and told me to 'be safe' on the way to work.
I made it on time. By the skin of my teeth.
And as I drove, I thought about how there will never be enough time. With more than one kid, or with a job and a kid, or with any amount of demands on your time, it will feel like there is never the ability to give everyone their due.
But maybe I need to re-think what is enough.
Because for today, a stolen moment at a starbucks table, making up silly stories over a bagel and cream cheese, seemed like enough time.
Like just the right amount of time.
