Finding the Balance--3

I had anticipated making my way through this 'finding the balance' series a little more quickly. But, you know, life has other plans most of the time.

In the last few weeks, I spent a lot of time dealing with this:


That would be Tiny with peri-orbital cellulitis. She ended up requiring a trip to the ER for IV antibiotics when the oral version wasn't cutting it. And my girl did not cry (or even wince!) when they drew blood or placed the IV. She is so my daughter. And she's all better, which is fabulous.


**All better and livin' it up at the Home Depot!**

And I spent a long weekend with some dear friends. I took all these books with me to read, but why did I do that? Because when I'm around my friends, we never stop talking. I still managed to finish two books thanks to my quiet plane rides. I kept feeling like I should be wrangling a little body into their seat, but, nope--just me and my book. I'm sure husband was glad that I got out some of my talkiness (though he would never let on!).

So, anyhoo. I've been playing catch-up. One 'finding the balance' tip before I dive into kelle hampton's new book.

1)Squeeze good into small spaces: Because time spent at the hospital or clinic can be so draining, it's easy to let that suck the life out of the little time you have that's not at the clinic or hospital. Rage against the machine, my friends. Don't let yourself get caught in the trap of putting off all fun until the training road is done. I've always been someone who relished having something to look forward to. Whether it was big or small, I've liked having a little anticipation in my back pocket. It has added color and sparkle to my days.

That can be a powerful thing during medical training. When you're tired, it's easy to want to hang out with your DVR or a book instead of the friends of yours who are meeting up at a restaurant. Because, you know, that would require wearing something other than scrubs, combined with the scarce commodity of energy. And most of that time, I think it's just fine to skip those things. You do need to rest. You do need to be careful about not stretching yourself too thin.

But you also need to remind yourself that there is still fun to be had along the way.


Rockstar and I were celebrating our 2nd anniversary during my intern year. We switch off surprise-planning them, and when baby status allows for it, we try to make it a weekend getaway. It was my year to plan. At first I felt defeated at the thought of trying to plan something fun into such a chaotic schedule. But I reminded myself about the power of anticipation, and the need to keep living my life. So on one of my Golden weekends (a rare bird where you are post-call on Friday, have Sat/Sun off, then return to be on-call on Monday), I planned a New York trip. It was a whirlwind of restaurants, Wicked, and shopping. Even knowing I had to be back to craziness in 48 hours, we ate it up. It's still one of our favorite memories.

I might've been tired, but I felt alive.

Most of my simple joys were on a smaller scale: McDonald's ice cream cones, live music, walks by the local river, trips to the bookstore, phone conversations with old friends, dinner out.


**inexpensive manicures! (Shellac really does last 3 weeks!)**

Such things, for me, were key to maintaining sanity.

Find something that makes you feel alive and try to fit it into small spaces every once in a while. Have something to look forward to. Make it happen even during improbable times. That's not always easy, but the dividends are rich.

Finding the Balance--2

**Balancing toddlerhood and effortless cool.**

*Choose the right partner. I say this partially tongue-in-cheek, but if you know you are going into medicine, be honest about what that might mean with your future spouse. I had a friend in college whose boyfriend was a little worried about what the medical training road looked like. At the time, I thought it was sort of funny how he did a lot of research, and interviewed people who’d been down the road to decide if he was up for it. I mean, when you’re 21, that doesn’t sound very romantic. Love is love, right? Looking back, I realize how smart he was. He found out what the road would entail for both of them, and decided he could commit to it. They got married and have navigated the ensuing road as a team. Also, if you are both pursuing time-intensive careers, communicate honestly about how you plan to merge those paths, or who is going to compromise, and when. Better some upfront discussions and research than down the road bitterness.

*Take care of your spouse: We've established that the partner sacrifices a lot in the pursuit of the medical dream. But it's important not to become so myopic in that intensity, that you forget there are lots of little ways you can pamper your spouse. A love note under the pillow, a quick phone call, a surprise donut pick-up on your way home--things don't need to take a long time to have an impact. Let your spouse know that they aren't unappreciated or forgotten in the long hours and sleep deprivation. Medicine can make you tired, but it doesn't have to make you a narcissist. :)


**You've gotta love a partner who can find the right anniversary card. Rockstar says those boots are the pre-cursor to Uggs. And I'm totally buying him some. Happy Anniversary to the man who has carried me through many a difficult thing!**


Bonus Round: Here's what I love about the people I work with. After a month of my co-workers analyzing the utter insanity of a certain reality TV show, I walked in one morning to find the following on my bulletin board(both relating to said reality show's finale that aired this week).





It definitely had me smiling as I walked into the first room of the day.

**Thanks to those who left comments on my last post--they gave me food for thought as I write these posts!**

Saying No

**Face painting, round 1000? Seriously, nothing puts a smile on her face faster. Oh, and the bow situation? Her doing.**


After heading home from a morning of patient care and picking up Tiny from preschool, I sat down on the couch while the kids were napping. I sighed a tired sigh, because this is one of the busiest weeks on record for us, and did what I usually do when I'm tired or frustrated: I called my sister.

We were talking about the goings on of the past few days when I noticed my cell phone ringing. It was my office number.

"Hey hang on a second, someone from work is calling me."


**One thing that does not make me tired or frustrated is a good fall festival. We headed to yet another one this past weekend. Can't. Get. Enough.**


I picked up the phone and heard the voice of one of our third year residents. A few days ago he'd asked me if I could by any chance help with out for a Q&A meeting they were having for the residents tonight. I'd told him that with committments on pretty much every other night, it wasn't a great week. Plus, I wasn't working the afternoon shift, so it would mean fighting rush hour traffic to get back. Still, I told him to call me if he got in a bind.

And he was calling me. Great.

A heavy dose of guilt is a just part of my personality, and so once I've been asked to do something, even if I have a good reason for saying no, it still makes me feel bad. My sister is always telling me to let go of the guilt and 'just say no' when I need to.


**The kids never say no to bounce house fun. In fact, they said 'yes' about three dozen times.**

The resident said, "Hey, I know it's a crazy week for you, but is there anyway you could help us out with the Q&A?"

I asked how many people they had coming, and felt confident they had enough help to pull it off without me.

Then I thought about how my Dad had always put family ahead of his church and work responsibilities. I thought about how when he chose our back to school nights over meetings he was supposed to conduct, he probably felt a little guilty. But he chose us anyway.


**Drummer chose the corn box over pretty much every other activity. Do you know how much less messy this is than sand? Why is this not a thing??**

I thought about how choosing space for our family is generally not the path of least resistance.

I thought about how with my plate so full this week, my family just needed a quiet night together.

I thought about my sister on the line and what I knew she was rooting for me to say.

"I'm sorry, don't hate me, but I just don't think it's going to work."


**This painted pumpkin works beautifully on our front porch.**

"No problem, I understand" he said. And we hung up.

I picked the house phone back up, where my sister had been listening to my side of the conversation. "I'm proud of you," she said. Just as I'd known she would. Then we jumped back into our previous conversation.

It was a good night, albeit a little crazy with two toddlers who had slight cases of the grumpity grumps. Whenb Tiny asked 'if I was going anywhere tonight?' I smiled as I answered: 'Nope, I'll be here all night.'

I put them in bed, knowing I was exactly where I should be.

And now I'm heading to bed myself, grateful for the people who help me make the right decisions as I go, and for more reminders that little choices add up to big ones.

That saying no to one thing is usually saying yes to something else. And when we repeatedly say yes to the right things or people at the right times (which is not so simple to sort out!), we're laying the foundation for great things and great relationships.

That I believe. I really do.